Salute to the Banana Hammock

Have you ever wanted to show a family member, co worker, friend or stranger your penis without actually showing your penis?  Lord knows that I have, so I am the proud owner of a Banana Hammock.  Ever since 1982 when Percival (the Perv) McGee invented the iconic dick sling men have had no way to show their penis off in public with out getting arrested.  But now you can show every unsuspecting man, woman, or child who happens to end up at the beach that day your dingaling. Have an uncomfortable relationship with a female co worker? BANANA HAMMOCK! Need to seal the deal with your girlfriend? BANANA HAMMOCK!  Have weird feelings for your cousin? BANANA HAMMOCK! Hell, you don't even need to be at the beach, I've been wearing my banana Hammock to school for the past week and a half. Sure no one talks to me anymore, but I am more than willing to pay that price to show of my family jewels to everyone who is willing or unwilling to look.  My teacher says that every time she blinks all she can see is the bedazzled glory that is my signature golden glory banana hammock.  The banana hammock runs on a risk reward system, you are risking nothing and the reward is showing off your penis.  All of this being said, I am appalled with the amount of sock stuffing going on in the world today.  A player in major league baseball takes one teeny weeny ounce of steroids and everyone flips a shit, but that same baseball player stuffs his banana hammock and nobody cares, well I've got some news for you Barry Bonds, I care.  I care.  Because I know the work ethic that it takes to keep up the level of fitness and fortitude to be able to sport these fantastic man melons around town. So if anyone sock stuffs, I will find you, and I will kill you.